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There was a time before the dimension cannon (which now that she thought about it, was a completely inappropriate name. It wasn't so much a cannon as a big yellow button which must certainly be pressed, as many times at it took to get her back to where she belonged) that Rose hadn't felt human. Hadn't felt anything really.
It had taken her a month originally to get past the “staring at the walls” stage of her grief, as her mother was prone to describing it these days. Rose attributed it to somewhat to her past, remembering when Mickey had lost his Gran. He'd spent days out at her grave site, staring at the patch of grass that was to eventually hold her headstone. Rose hadn't a grave or a headstone to stare at, so instead she chose to spend her days lying catatonic in bed, staring blankly into the room, reliving memories and drowning in her own tears. Jackie had finally resigned to bringing her meals to her room, watching her daughter eat without interest, wondering what it would take to bring Rose back from the edge.
In the end it had been Mickey that had gotten her to snap out of it. He'd calmly walked into her room one morning, took her by the hand and walked her downstairs to one of Pete's less conspicuous cars. He'd driven for hours that morning, landing them somewhere in the untouched countryside. It was there, away from the prying eyes of her family that she had finally allowed herself to fall apart. He had sighed both heavy with relief and resignation, glad that she was finally grieving, but knowing it was him who would be comforting her in the loss of her love. He had lowered himself to the grass next to her and gathered her in his arms, holding her steadily while she soaked his shirt with tears shed for the man she had left him for. He had always thought that it would hurt more than it did, the knowledge that she had so easily let him go for another man, but after traveling with the Doctor, he understood why Rose was drawn to him. It was this knowledge, and the maturing born of fighting for another world that allowed him to hold her through her grief.
Once her sobs had subsided, she had lied down in the grass next to her best friend and told him of the adventures he had missed, both good and bad. He in turn told her of his quest with Jake, the opening of Torchwood and their eventual transfer to the corporate world, indulging himself in the light in her eyes when she smiled and laughed during the stories, even though the moments were fleeting. Later, when the sun had begun to set, they had clambered back into the car, and Mickey had drove them home, glad to be returning with a less broken version of his friend.
Life had continued on as normal then, well as normal as it could be for a universe that had just been reintroduced to a new Jackie and Rose Tyler. They took care of the details with some small cover stories about Jackie leaving Pete to track down Rose, whom she had given up at birth. When the women had returned, the couple had renewed their vows in a rather lavish ceremony, which also served as Rose's introduction to society as the Vitex Heiress. She hated the attention of the press, but allowed her mother to indulge herself, and if anyone noticed that would often try to hide during public events, no one said anything. Soon after, Rose started up working at Torchwood, needing to do something to keep her from constantly thinking about the life she'd been expelled from. Not that working at a secret government company that dealt with alien invasions kept the memories from popping up, but it kept her busy, and didn't allow her to dwell.
It was five months later into her life in that universe, three of them that had been occupied with Torchwood and her mother's rather unexpected pregnancy, when she had that dream. The one that changed everything. Hearing the Doctor's voice, she had propelled out of bed, rudely awakened her parents and Mickey and ordered them into the parlour while she made prepared tea as a form of apology. She had sat there and explained her dream, trying to ignore her mother's skeptical look, and eventually was able to persuade them to pile into Pete's company Jeep and took off after the voice in Rose's head. It had been a tense car ride, and more than once Rose knew she had heard her mother whispering to Pete in the night, suggesting they turn around and head home before even more damage was done.
In the end, Jackie was probably right. What had transgressed on the beach had nearly torn Rose apart. She'd heard 'impossible' and never truly heard 'goodbye', much less the three words she had hoped would spill out of his mouth next. She had stood and cried, clinging to her mother, her mind refusing to accept that she would never see the love of her life again. In the end, they had guided her back to the car, and they arrived back in London with her having no idea how they had gotten there.
After that it had taken several weeks for her to become herself again, and even then her smiles never really seemed to reach her eyes. She had thrown herself recklessly into her work, and had, on more than one occasion, almost cost her team their assignment with her reckless behaviour. She refused to listen to anything anyone said, just kept going about it blindly, before the answer came to her in her sleep.
She'd been dreaming about the Doctor again, hearing one of his many rants about not listening to reason, and the relative impossibility of several situations. She hadn't shot up like a bullet, like the last time she'd had a revelation about him in a dream, just awoken that morning with a strong conviction that getting back to him was anything but impossible.
Back at Torchwood she had made the Dimension Cannon her pet project, working around the clock on it, refusing the field missions she normally lived for. Mickey stepped in, and helped her with the technology along with the scientists, but mostly only to keep an eye on her, fearing for her sanity. It had taken the rest of Jackie's pregnancy to get the technology close to working, and the delivery of Tony had put everything on hold, much to Rose's chagrin. As soon as she saw fit to leave her mother's side though, Rose was back at Torchwood's lab in Cardiff working on the Cannon, and another month saw it fit for trials. Pete tried to refuse to let her be the trial subject, but it was futile, she wouldn't let anyone else near it. She had tripped over into several other universes before finally finding the right one, and it took many more tries after that to get the right time period. The tests were tough on her physically, and they often put weeks between each run. The moment she first ran into Donna Noble though, she knew.
It hadn't been the first time Donna remembered her, not the time from the barricade, and certainly not the time from the forgotten parallel world. It had just been a simple hop over to the right universe at the right time, and she just so happened to be inside the offices of HC Clements. She had ran into Donna while the woman was presumably running paperwork from one end of the office to the next, but she had felt something in the air, something she had only ever felt around the Doctor before. Her next hop to 21st Century London had landed her on a ordinary street in Chiswick, outside a small house with a post box marked: “Noble”. Seconds after her arrival, a car had pulled into the drive, and two women stepped out arguing, and she overheard the younger woman admonished as “Donna”. Recognising her as the woman from the office, she eagerly returned to her world and researched the woman. It was about that time that the stars had started to go out, and she knew if she didn't do something soon, her world would be destroyed, leaving her no chance to get back to her old one.
That was when they had discovered the alternate timeline, and had directed Rose toward it. Four hops in one day almost destroyed Rose's nervous system, but it had been worth it. She rested for a day, and then made her second to last jump, standing at that barricade and making sure that the timelines were matched up again. Knowing everything was okay, she returned to her family, said goodbye, and prepared to make one last jump. Gun in hand, or rather slung rather ridiculously over her entire body, she held tight to the yellow button on the device and thought of the man she loved.
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silencing's journal
artistic....kinda
0 (0.0%)
irritated
pissed off
confused
frustrated
bored
silly
disappointed
hopeful
content
awake